i really want to carry a torch in a cave just like one time
Now that I’m at liberty to do pretty much what ever I want with a couple exceptions of course, I don’t want to do any of them. I have no desire to smoke no desire to hang out and party. I just want my wife and I to work our issues out and stay together.
This is really the only place I can vent away from people that know me personally. My thoughts are all cluttered. I can’t stress how defeated I feel, I’ve been beating myself up for god knows how long. I can’t seem to let shit go, I hold myself accountable for too much. For one I lost my best friend/wife to pride. I wanted so bad to be understood that I was forgetting that she too wanted to be understood. Instead of reasoning with one another we fought and called each other names. Many which I wish I never even thought of. I completely overlooked the fact that you wanted what’s best for me and at times you didn’t go about it the right way but the fact that you tried means a lot to me now. I feel like we lost the spark that once made us inseparable a lot earlier in the relationship than you say. I realized a change in you back in the apartment, I knew then that it was too late. I knew that eventually we’d be here. Not because we weren’t trying or wanted it to work but something inside of you changed, something inside of me changed. Your young spirit makes you want to get things done fast and now. Which a lot of the times is the reason out fights escalate to the next levels. Of course which at this time we are both screaming at each other and not truly listening to how the other person feels. I was selfish in letting my anger get the best of me, leading me not to pay you any mind And getting disrespectful. I’d give ANYTHING for one more chance at fixing our relationship better yet starting a new one. I truly don’t want to divorce you.